


The Return Journey

by karcathy



Series: The Avengers Road Trip [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humour, M/M, extremely childish superheroes, ridiculous levels of donut consumption, strange mixture of english and american spellings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-11
Updated: 2012-07-11
Packaged: 2017-11-09 15:30:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/457056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karcathy/pseuds/karcathy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team wake up bright, early and ready to return home. A few slight difficulties, including excessive caffeine consumption, childish pranks and a familial visit from someone who you could only begin describing as deranged, hinder their return to civilisation, or at least, working showers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Return Journey

**Author's Note:**

> This part is shorter and probably less funny than the first (I'm already running out of jokes - help). As before, please point out any mistakes I've made and leave reviews/ideas for future parts in the comments. Thanks!
> 
> Dedicated to Franky. (And uploaded sooner than I would have done otherwise for her benefit).
> 
> Again, the numbers refer to the timings, and negative numbers are before they set off.

-2.30  
Coulson wakes up at the crack of dawn and tells the team to get dressed and come down for breakfast. The motel offers a complimentary continental breakfast. 

-2.15  
Natasha arrives downstairs. Together, she and Coulson discover that this particular motel’s idea of continental breakfast is soggy toast and stale cornflakes. Natasha decides she’ll eat on the road. Coulson takes a mug of gritty coffee and sits down where he can see the stairs up to the rooms. Natasha lounges next to him, looking bored.

-2.10  
Steve arrives downstairs. He says the others will be down shortly. He neglects to mention that none of them have yet woken up. He finds the least soggy piece of toast and sits

-2.05  
Clint arrives downstairs, giggling. Steve asks what’s so funny. Clint doesn’t reply, but continues giggling as he gets his cornflakes and sits down.

-2.01  
Natasha asks Clint what he did. He thinks about not telling her, but decides against it. Instead, he takes her upstairs to show her. 

-1.55  
Clint and Natasha are back, both giggling. Steve asks what Clint did. Clint tells him to look in their room. Sighing, Steve goes upstairs. After a moment, Coulson follows. 

-1.50  
Steve and Coulson have arrived at the room to find that Clint has rearranged the sleeping Thor and Bruce so that they are embracing. Steve sighs at Clint’s immature sense of humour, but is secretly amused. 

-1.47  
Steve and Coulson return downstairs. As they appear, Clint and Natasha quickly move away from each other and try to look as if they were definitely not just making out. They fail. Coulson and Steve ignore them and sit down. 

-1.44  
Upstairs, Bruce has just woken up. He jumps as he realises he is being held in Thor’s arms. Thor wakes up shouting. They both agree to pretend that nothing had happened. Thor goes down to breakfast. 

-1.42  
Bruce goes down to breakfast. Thor is inhaling a vast pile of soggy toast. Clint catches Bruce’s eye and smirks. Bruce pretends not to see him and sits down with a bowl of cornflakes. 

-1.38  
Coulson asks where Tony is. Steve, Bruce and Clint all reply with “asleep” at the same time. Steve offers to go and wake him up. Clint smirks. 

-1.34  
Steve pulls Tony out from under the bed and attempts to wake him up. Tony opens his eyes slightly, mutters something incomprehensible, and goes back to sleep. Steve sighs and goes back downstairs.

-1.30  
Coulson asks where Tony is. Steve says he’s still asleep. Coulson tells him to wake him up. Steve says he tried. Coulson tells him to try harder. Steve says he’d like to see Coulson wake him up. 

-1.28  
Bruce offers to wake Tony up. Steve snorts. 

-1.25  
Bruce finds Tony sprawled on the floor, half-under the bed. He tries to wake him up. He fails. He goes back downstairs.

-1.19  
Natasha offers to wake Tony up. Coulson says they would prefer Tony to be awake, not dead. He sends Thor to wake him up.

-1.14  
The others can hear Thor’s exuberant shouting from downstairs. Unfortunately, it appears that Tony can’t. Thor returns downstairs. He asks if Tony has his own version of the Odinsleep. The others laugh.

-1.09  
Coulson goes upstairs himself to try to wake Tony up. He fails.

-1.07  
Coulson is arrives back downstairs to find that Natasha and Clint have vanished. Steve, Bruce and Thor do not know where they are. Coulson thinks he might know, but wishes he didn’t. 

-1.02  
Steve goes back upstairs to try and wake Tony again. Thor and Bruce continue eating in awkward silence. Coulson is tempted to laugh, but doesn’t. 

-0.56  
Steve returns, unsuccessful. He sips at a glass of violently bright orange juice, looking morose. 

-0.53  
Everyone is eating, drinking or sitting around in awkward silence. Steve contemplates broaching the subject of Clint’s joke. 

-0.49  
The awkward silence still reigns.

-0.46  
Natasha returns and asks if Tony has woken up yet. She offers to wake him up. Coulson agrees.

-0.42  
Clint returns to the table. No one asks where he went. Coulson thinks he knows. He’s right.

-0.37  
Natasha returns with a groggy-looking but awake Tony. He limps slightly as he gets himself a large mug of coffee and collapses at the table. 

-0.32  
Tony is on his fourth mug of coffee. He appears to still only be semi-conscious, and has not yet said any recognisable words. 

-0.24  
Tony finishes his seventh mug of coffee and begins to look somewhat awake. Steve asks when they’re leaving. Coulson says as soon as possible.

-0.20  
Coulson goes to pay the bill. 

-0.15  
Coulson is still trying to pay the bill. He has gotten into a complicated argument about toast with the receptionist.

-0.12  
Natasha goes to help Coulson pay the bill. 

-0.11  
The receptionist realises she was in the wrong. She also realises that they deserve a discount. She offers Coulson a significantly reduced bill. 

-0.07  
Coulson returns to the group and tells them to get in the van. Tony asks if they can stop for a real breakfast. Coulson agrees.

0.00  
Everyone returns to their seats in the van and they set off. Clint asks if they can buy more air fresheners. Coulson agrees. 

0.05  
Tony sees a donut store and asks to pull over for breakfast. The other Avengers agree. Coulson pulls over and buys two dozen donuts. 

0.10  
Coulson returns to the store to buy another two dozen donuts after Tony and Thor eat the first two dozen between them. 

0.15  
The rest of the donuts are gone. Thor wants more donuts. Coulson says he’s had more than enough already. Coulson is starting to understand how parents feel. 

0.19  
Clint needs to pee. Coulson tells him to hold on till the next service station. 

0.24  
They have not yet reached a service station. Coulson tells Clint he should have been before they left. Clint says he didn’t need to go then. Thor asks if they can stop to buy poptarts. Tony says the poptart toaster has gone missing anyway. He glares suspiciously at the back of Coulson’s head. 

0.27  
Tony asks why Natasha gets to ride shotgun again. Coulson says it’s because she is the least annoying. He doesn’t add that it’s also because she’s the most dangerous. 

0.31  
Clint spots a service station. They pull over and he goes to pee. Tony borrows Coulson’s wallet and goes in search of some decent coffee. 

0.33  
Coulson realises that both his wallet and Tony are missing. He goes in search of both. 

0.35  
Clint returns. He whispers something to Natasha, and leaves again.

0.37  
Natasha leaves.

0.39  
Steve decides to go and look for Tony. Bruce and Thor are left alone. 

0.40  
Bruce mutters something about going to the toilet and leaves Thor alone. Thor wonders what he did.

0.42  
Coulson returns with Tony and his wallet. Tony has a huge cup of coffee and a large carrier bag full of assorted confectioneries. Thor immediately claims the latter. Tony gets back into the van and sits down, sipping his coffee.

0.44  
Steve returns and sits down next to Tony.

0.47  
Bruce returns and sits as far away from Thor as he can.

0.50  
Clint returns and sits in his seat. He knows it’s his seat because a) everyone else is avoiding it and b) it smells of pee. He wishes it didn’t. 

0.52  
Natasha returns and they depart. Tony asks if he can ride shotgun. Coulson ignores him. 

0.56  
Tony suggests that they play a game. Coulson disagrees. They continue driving in silence.

0.59  
Tony finishes his coffee. Steve thinks Tony has had too much caffeine. 

1.04  
Steve is right. Tony is bouncing in his seat. He asks where his candy is. Thor has eaten it all. Steve thinks this can only be a bad thing.

1.07  
Steve is right. Tony and Thor are on respective caffeine and sugar highs. Thor is rocking the whole van with his bouncing and Tony is talking too fast for anyone to understand about things they probably wouldn’t understand anyway. 

1.12  
Thor has managed to rock the van enough to roll it onto its side. He gets out and enthusiastically rolls it back onto its wheels. Amazingly, nothing crashes with them. Coulson tells Thor to walk until the effects of the sugar have worn off. As they drive off, Coulson hopes that Thor won’t cause too much trouble. 

1.14  
Tony has started taking apart his karaoke machine and rebuilding it. The others look on, fascinated and wondering what he’s building this time. Tony’s hands are shaking slightly as he builds it, and Bruce wonders whether it will actually work at all.

1.16  
Tony has dropped a small component on the floor of the van and is desperately searching for it. He finds it under Bruce’s seat. Bruce feels uncomfortable as Tony dives between his legs to retrieve it. 

1.21  
Tony has finished rebuilding the machine. None of the others can tell what it does yet. 

1.22  
Tony turns on the machine. It blasts loud music and shines multicoloured lights onto the insides of the van. Tony has created a miniature disco.

1.23  
Coulson says it is too early in the morning for a disco, and makes Tony turn it off. Tony does, and returns to his seat, sulking. The effect is slightly spoiled by his uncontrollably jiggling foot. 

1.27  
The silence in the van is beginning to get awkward. Coulson turns on the radio. They listen to a dull talk show for a while. 

1.32  
Everyone is staring out of the window, bored. No one knows what the people on the radio are talking about, but they can all agree that whatever it is is extremely boring. 

1.34  
Tony suggests they play a game. This time, Coulson agrees. He turns off the radio. He asks Tony what game he wants to play. Tony doesn’t know. 

1.35  
Tony takes out his smartphone and googles “car games”. He scrolls through a page and sighs. He changes it to “games to play in the car” and tries again. 

1.36  
Tony reads out a list of suggestions. The others reject them all.   
1.37  
Tony is sulking. Steve suggests they play a word association game. 

1.38  
No one else has any better suggestions. Steve begins the game. He says “van”. Clint says “hell”. Tony says “van”. Steve says that’s not how the game works. Tony sulks.

1.39  
Steve starts the game again. He says “motel”. Clint says “hell”. Tony says “van”. Natasha says “boring”. Tony says “this game”. Steve sulks.

1.40  
Coulson suggests they play something else. He starts a game of I Spy. Coulson spies something beginning with “T”.

1.42  
Tony guesses “Trees”. He’s right. Tony’s word begins with “SA”. Steve says Tony’s word can’t begin with two letters. Tony says it’s two words. Steve says it can’t be two words. Tony says the thing he can see is two words. Coulson tells Steve to let it go. 

1.44  
Natasha guesses “Stupid Asses”. Tony says she is wrong. Natasha says she is right. Tony asks how she can be right if Tony says she is wrong. Natasha says she is always right.

1.45  
Natasha was wrong.

1.47  
Everyone is bored of this game. Tony reveals that “SA” stands for “Steve’s Abs”. Steve is mad at Tony.

1.49  
Natasha wonders what Fury is doing. Clint bets Fury has a camera installed in the van and is watching everything they do.

1.50  
Tony bets Fury is eating a chocolate ice cream and watching porn.

1.51  
Steve bets Fury is doing important SHIELD work. No one agrees with him.

1.52  
Coulson bets Fury is watching Supernanny.

1.53  
Natasha suggests that “What is Fury doing” could be a new game. Everyone agrees.

1.54  
Natasha bets Fury is shooting something with a big gun. 

1.55  
Tony bets that Natasha meant “big gun” as an innuendo.

1.56  
Natasha disagrees. Violently. 

1.57  
Clint bets that Fury is using cardboard cutouts of Loki for target practise.

1.58  
Tony bets that Fury is using cardboard cutouts of Loki for something inappropriate. Tony is banned from contributing to the game.

1.59  
Steve bets that Fury is planning their next team bonding activity. Everyone hopes he’s wrong.

2.00  
Coulson bets that Fury is going grocery shopping. Everyone giggles as they imagine Fury shopping at Walmart.

2.01  
Natasha bets that Fury is washing his hair. Clint reminds her that Fury is bald. Natasha bets that Fury is washing his beard.

2.02  
Bruce bets that Fury is washing his eyepatch. Everyone shudders as they imagine what might be under the eyepatch.

2.03  
Thor bets that Fury is eating his lunch. Tony points out that it isn’t lunchtime yet. Thor points out that he is hungry.

2.04  
Clint bets that Fury is painting his toenails.

2.05  
Natasha bets that Fury is reading a romance novel.

2.06  
Steve bets that Fury is still asleep. Tony wishes he was still asleep.

2.07  
Coulson bets that Fury is spying on his enemies.

2.08  
Natasha bets that Fury is spying on his friends.

2.09  
Clint bets that Fury doesn’t have any friends.

2.10  
Coulson bets that Clint doesn’t have any friends.

2.11  
Clint bets that Coulson’s mom doesn’t have any friends.

2.12  
Coulson bets that Clint’s face doesn’t have any friends.

2.13  
Natasha bets that Clint and Coulson are 5 years old.

2.14  
Bruce bets that Fury is hiding in the van.

2.15  
Steve bets that Fury is disguised as one of the Avengers.

2.16  
Tony suggests that everyone strips off to prove that they aren’t Fury. No one agrees.

2.17  
Everyone suggests that Tony shouldn’t start stripping off to prove he’s not Fury. Tony disagrees.

2.18  
Coulson threatens to tape Tony to the roof again if he doesn’t stop removing his clothes. Tony agrees.

2.19  
Tony bets that Fury is doing something obscene at SHIELD headquarters. Tony is reminded that he is banned from joining in with the game. 

2.20  
Thor bets that Fury is building a giant slide at SHIELD headquarters. Everyone else wonders why.

2.21  
Clint bets that Fury is borrowing Tony’s Iron Man suit. Tony bets that Fury couldn’t break past his security. Clint bets that Fury already has.

2.22  
Natasha bets that Fury is thinking of all the ways this trip could have gone wrong. Tony bets that Fury hasn’t thought of half of the things that actually have gone wrong. Everyone agrees.

2.23  
Coulson bets that this game is starting to get boring. Everyone agrees.

2.24  
Tony bets that stopping for ice cream would be a good idea. Everyone agrees.

2.27  
Tony sees somewhere selling ice creams. They stop. 

2.30  
Coulson buys everyone ice creams. Thor asks for two ice creams. Coulson buys him one large ice cream. Thor is disappointed. Tony asks for extra chocolate sprinkles. Coulson buys him a flake instead. Tony is disappointed. 

2.33  
They return to the van. Coulson tells them not to drip ice cream on the seats.

2.35  
Clint drips ice cream on his seat. He figures it doesn’t matter as no one else will want to use his seat anyway. He’s right.

2.37  
Thor drips ice cream on his seat. Tony tells him to lick it off. Thor ignores him.

2.39  
Tony drips ice cream on Steve. Tony offers to lick it off. Steve refuses. 

2.42  
Tony drips ice cream on Bruce. Bruce is relieved that Tony doesn’t offer to lick it off. 

2.45  
Everyone has finished their ice cream. Tony asks if they can have more ice cream. Coulson says no.

2.47  
Tony asks if they can play another game. Coulson says no.

2.49  
Tony asks if he can turn on his disco machine. Coulson says no. 

2.52  
Tony turns on his disco machine. Coulson pulls over, takes the disco machine out, and methodically smashes it into smithereens. Tony looks upset.

2.55  
Everyone is bored.

2.59  
Coulson turns on the radio. One Direction starts playing. Coulson turns off the radio.

3.04  
Tony suggests that they play I Spy again. Coulson says no.

3.05  
Tony spies a fun-killing agent. No one laughs.

3.09  
Steve sees a yellow car. He says “yellow car”.

3.10  
Tony asks why Steve said “yellow car”. Steve says he saw a yellow car. Steve explains the rules of yellow car. 

3.14  
Tony sees a yellow car. He says “yellow car”.

3.19  
Steve sees a yellow car. He says “yellow car”. Tony says the car was gold. Steve says it was yellow. Coulson decides it was gold. Tony punches Steve as hard as he can. Steve barely notices.

3.22  
Clint sees a yellow motorbike. He says “yellow motorbike”. Steve and Tony both say motorbikes don’t count. Tony punches Clint as hard as he can. Clint says ouch.

3.35  
Tony and Steve see a yellow car. They both say “yellow car”. They both say they said it first. They both punch each other. Tony yells “ouch” and clutches his dead arm. Steve says he said “yellow car” first. Tony agrees.

3.38  
Natasha says that yellow car is boring.

3.39  
Natasha sees a yellow car. She says “yellow car”. 

3.42  
Bruce sees a yellow van. He says “yellow car”. Tony says vans aren’t cars. He punches Bruce as hard as he can. Bruce glares at Tony.

3.48  
Thor sees a yellow car. He says “yellow car”. Tony and Steve say it was a beige car. Tony punches Thor. Thor punches Tony. Tony thinks his arm is broken. 

3.52  
Tony and Bruce both see a yellow car. They say “yellow car”. Bruce is certain he said it before Tony. He punches Tony as hard as he can. Tony thinks his arm is definitely broken. Bruce punches it again, and tells him it isn’t. Tony sulks.

3.56  
Clint and Natasha see a yellow car. They say “yellow car”. Clint starts to say he said it first, then thinks the better of it. Natasha smirks. 

4.00  
No one can see any yellow cars. They are starting to get bored.

4.03  
Tony asks if he can ride shotgun. Coulson says no.

4.06  
Coulson is bored. He says the next person to see a yellow car gets to ride shotgun. He says Natasha gets to punish the next person who says “yellow car” when there isn’t a yellow car. Natasha likes the sound of this. 

4.09  
Clint sees a yellow car. He says “yellow car”. The car has black stripes. Natasha hits Clint. His scream is extremely high-pitched. Tony says he thinks it burst his eardrum. Clint says he thinks he might be permanently damaged. Natasha laughs.

4.12  
Tony sees a yellow car. He says “yellow car”. The car was definitely yellow. Coulson pulls over and Tony switches seats with Natasha.

4.14  
Tony turns on the radio. He finds a station playing rock music and turns the volume up.

4.15  
Coulson turns the radio off. He threatens to tape Tony to the roof if he misbehaves. Tony sulks.

4.19  
Tony opens his window.

4.21  
Tony sticks his head out of the window.

4.22  
Coulson tells Tony to stop acting like a child. 

4.23  
Tony tells Coulson he’s not his real mom. 

4.24  
Coulson wishes he hadn’t let Tony ride shotgun. 

4.25  
Natasha switches seats with Thor. She is now sitting next to Clint. Thor is now sitting next to Bruce. Bruce is uncomfortable. 

4.27  
Clint notices that Bruce looks uncomfortable. He laughs. 

4.29  
Tony asks Clint what he’s laughing about. Steve explains Clint’s joke. 

4.30  
Bruce glares at Clint. Thor laughs.

4.33  
Tony starts playing with the glove compartment. Coulson tells him to stop.

4.37  
Tony finds an old packet of wine gums. He eats them all. 

4.43  
Tony is sick.

4.45  
Coulson sees a service station and pulls over. He tells Tony to go and clean himself up. He asks the others to help him clean up Tony’s sick. Everyone except for Steve vanishes. Together, they clean up the vomit and complain about Tony. 

4.52  
Tony comes back. He is clean, but still doesn’t look well. Coulson finds a bucket. 

4.54  
Coulson goes to look for everyone else. He find Bruce trying to persuade Thor not to buy a giant Toblerone. He takes both of them back to the van.

4.59  
Natasha and Clint return to the van. They are holding hands. Clint notices everyone staring and tries to drop Natasha’s hand. Natasha doesn’t let him. Clint winces. 

5.02  
They set off again. Tony is hugging his bucket and looking miserable. 

5.06  
Clint and Natasha are making out in the back. Thor, Bruce and Steve are looking uncomfortable. 

5.10  
Bruce is starting to look a little green. Everyone edges away from him, looking nervous. Bruce says he feels carsick. Tony hands him his bucket. 

5.13  
Bruce is sick in the bucket.

5.15  
Coulson pulls over and makes Tony switch seats with Bruce. Tony asks why. Coulson says because he says so. Tony sighs.

5.20  
The van suddenly stops. It appears to have broken down. 

5.21  
Coulson gets out and opens the bonnet. 

5.24  
Nothing happens.

5.27  
The others begin to wonder whether something has happened to Coulson. 

5.28  
They get out of the van to check. Coulson is lying on the ground, unconscious. 

5.29  
They hear laughter coming from on top of the van. Loki is standing on the roof.

5.30  
Tony suggests that a homicidal maniac was just the thing this road trip needed. Thor says he will handle his brother. 

5.32  
Thor tries to handle Loki. It doesn’t end well.   
5.35  
Coulson regains consciousness. He asks what happened. Tony says Loki happened. 

5.37  
Steve asks Loki what he wants. Loki appears to think about it.

5.38  
Loki is still thinking about it.

5.39  
Loki finally says he isn’t sure what he wants. 

5.40  
Steve suggests that Loki leaves them alone. Steve suggests that Loki doesn’t need to fight them. 

5.41  
Loki laughs. 

5.42  
Bruce asks Loki if he would like another encounter with the Hulk. Loki doesn’t laugh.

5.43  
Loki decides that he actually does want to leave. Loki vanishes. 

5.45  
Everyone agrees that what just happened was really weird. They return to the van and set off again. 

5.50  
Tony asks if they’re nearly there yet. They aren’t.

5.58  
Tony asks if they’re nearly there yet. They aren’t.

6.04  
Tony asks if they can stop for food. They can’t.

6.08  
Thor asks if they can stop for food. They can’t.

6.12  
Everyone asks if they can stop for food. They can. 

6.13  
Coulson pulls into a McDonald’s. Everyone orders vast quantities of food. Coulson hopes his expenses will cover this. 

6.15  
The bill is over $100. Coulson really hopes his expenses will cover this. 

6.17  
They eat their food in the van. Everyone is relatively quiet and happy, for once. 

6.20  
Clint needs to pee. Coulson says they only just stopped. Coulson says Clint should have peed then. 

6.24  
Tony needs to pee. Clint still needs to pee. Coulson says they should have peed at McDonald’s.

6.29  
Steve and Thor need to pee. Tony and Clint still needs to pee. Coulson gives in and pulls in at a service station. 

6.31  
Everyone needs to pee. Coulson sits alone in the van and wonders what he did to deserve this. 

6.36  
Bruce and Thor return. They sit silently in the van with Coulson. 

6.40  
Clint and Natasha return. No one is surprised to see them together. 

6.44  
Tony and Steve still haven’t returned. Clint and Bruce exchange meaningful glances. Neither of them offers to go and look for them. 

6.50  
Coulson goes to look for Steve and Tony. 

6.54  
Coulson comes back without Steve and Tony. He looks like a man who has seen things he never wants to see again. 

6.57  
Steve returns. Coulson stares at him with a mixture of horror and disgust. Natasha wonders what Coulson saw. Clint and Bruce exchange sympathetic glances. 

7.00  
Tony returns. Coulson makes Tony sit in the back. Natasha returns to her seat in the front. 

7.03  
Tony is touching Steve inappropriately. Steve tells him to stop. Tony asks why. Steve says because there are other people here. Tony doesn’t care. They do.

7.06  
Tony asks if they’re nearly there yet. They aren’t. 

7.10  
Thor sees a McDonald’s and wants to stop. Coulson says he’s not made of money. 

7.13  
Tony sees a yellow car. He says yellow car. Steve punches Tony. Tony asks why. Steve says because Tony is annoying. Everyone agrees. Tony tells everyone to stop punching him. No one listens.

7.15  
Coulson tells everyone to stop punching Tony. They do.

7.16  
Tony wonders whether Coulson has magical powers.

7.17  
Tony asks Coulson if he has magical powers. Coulson says no.

7.18  
Tony asks Coulson if he’s sure. Coulson says yes.

7.19  
Tony asks Coulson if they can play Twenty Questions. Coulson says no.

7.20  
Tony asks Coulson what Fury had for breakfast. Coulson doesn’t know. 

7.21  
Tony thinks Fury had the blood of his enemies for breakfast. Steve thinks Tony is disgusting. 

7.23  
Clint thinks Fury had a cooked breakfast. Clint feels jealous.

7.24  
Natasha thinks Fury had the tears of orphans for breakfast. 

7.25  
Tony decides that “What Fury had for breakfast” is their new game. Steve asks why all their games have to centre around Fury. 

7.26  
Clint thinks Fury had the eggs of bald eagles for breakfast. 

7.27  
Thor thinks Fury had soup for breakfast. No one asks why. 

7.28  
Tony thinks Fury had whale sperm for breakfast. No one asks why. 

7.29  
Steve thinks Fury had the souls of new SHIELD agents for breakfast. Coulson agrees.

7.30  
Natasha thinks Fury had all of the goodness in the world poached and served on toast for breakfast. 

7.31  
Coulson thinks Fury had cornflakes sprinkled with the tears of his enemies.

7.32  
Thor asks why Fury eats so many souls and tears. Tony says it is to make up for his lack of soul. 

7.33  
Tony checks the van for recording equipment. He really hopes Fury isn’t watching them.

7.34  
Coulson suggests they stop playing Fury-oriented games. Everyone agrees. 

7.40  
Tony asks if they’re nearly there yet. They aren’t. 

7.44  
Thor asks if they can stop for ice cream. They can’t. 

7.49  
Clint asks if they can stop to pee. They can’t.

7.53  
Clint really needs to pee. Coulson sighs and pulls over. He makes everyone else stay in the van whilst Clint goes to pee. 

7.58  
Clint returns and they leave. Coulson is relieved that no one went missing, for once. 

8.00  
Coulson notices that Tony is missing. He goes back and drags Tony out of the coffee shop. He confiscates Tony’s coffee. Tony sulks.

8.04  
Clint has fallen asleep. Tony asks if they’re nearly there yet. They aren’t.

8.10  
Thor has fallen asleep. Tony asks if they’re nearly there yet. They aren’t.

8.14  
Bruce has fallen asleep. Tony asks if they’re nearly there yet. They aren’t. 

8.19  
Natasha has fallen asleep. Tony asks if they’re nearly there yet. They aren’t.

8.26  
Everyone except for Tony and Coulson has fallen asleep. Tony begins to ask if they’re nearly there yet. Coulson tells him to shut up. 

8.31  
Tony has fallen asleep. Coulson is glad. Peace and quiet at last.

8.38  
Coulson wishes someone else was still awake. He is beginning to feel tired. 

8.43  
Coulson turns the radio on and puts the volume up to maximum in an attempt to stay awake. 

8.46  
Natasha is woken up by the radio. She is very angry. She takes it out on the radio. The radio does not come out well. 

8.52  
Natasha is asleep again. Coulson is bored. 

8.59  
Coulson is feeling very sleepy. The van starts to weave around the road. 

9.01  
Steve wakes up and offers to drive. Coulson happily accepts and dozes off in Steve’s seat. 

9.12  
Coulson is woken up by Tony leaning against him. Coulson is not happy with where Tony’s hands are headed. He wakes Tony up.

9.13  
Tony asks where Steve is. Coulson says Steve is driving. Tony looks surprised and slightly upset. 

9.19  
Everyone has fallen asleep again. Steve thinks that even Coulson looks peaceful now. 

9.24  
Tony wakes up and asks if they’re nearly there. They are. 

9.32  
They arrive with no deaths or major injuries. All in all, Coulson counts it as a success. He evades Fury’s questions about what exactly happened on the trip. 

9.36  
Everyone is unconscious. No one plans on waking up any time soon.


End file.
